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[Feb. 9th, 2005|10:36 pm] |
gah drama sucks.
mom found out about math grade.
didnt get as pissed about it as i thought she would.
went to lunch with evan and emily and their sr friends.
tons of fun.
worked out.
im so sore.
it hurts to walk.
i hope i cant move in the morning.
so i dont have to go to school.
woo hoo.
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[Feb. 8th, 2005|10:20 pm] |
blah.
nothing exciting today.
school.
then cheer (our last game today!! sad yet very happy )
then dance.
i ended up not telling my mom about my d. but i had the brilliant idea to write my mom a note and stick itn in her purse. which i am about to rewrite in like 5 minutes when i finish this entry...or however long it takes. i dont remember if i wrote this last night, but i wass so stressed last night i freeaking totally cleaned my effing room. its soo clean right now its unbeleivable. im so scared of my mom though. terrified. i started crying in geometry today. i just cant handle this stress. and its making me break out. my face looks like shit. and im still fat. even though my mom keeps saying im getting skinnier i am fatt. a fat ugly pig. i just want to go to bed and never wake up again.
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[Feb. 7th, 2005|11:03 pm] |
gahh. im soo freaking tired. but im going to try to write in here everyday! so basically, my day consisted of school, cheer, then ballet. pretty boring. but gahhh. im soo stressed about report cards. last night i cried myself to sleep. and then tonight to try to handle the stress i TOTALLY cleaned my room, and if you know me, you know that i never clean. well i figured out that cleaning is good when you are stressed. because it takes your mind off everything. a freaking d in geometry. i swear it was the finals sceduale. i had a 77% before the test. and then since it was my last test of that day, i just couldnt concentrate. three tests in one day is bad, but three FINALS in one day is horrible!! i didnt even feel like trying on the test so i let god lead my hand. and he lead me to answer 96/200 right. bleh. i fucking hate myself. what ever happened to the days where i got straight a's?? my mom is going to kill me, but i think im going to tell her tomarrow before report cards come. i dont think i can live with this huge weight over my chest like this. i was doing soo weell until stupid finals. someone please shoot me?? you know whats sad? i prayed to god for me to die. i asked him to take my life. because 1- im too scared to do it myself and 2- i just hate everything about my life. i dont have any guys that like me, not one. and the one that thinks im hott is only using me for a hook up. but thats the best i can get. i dont have good grades. i guess my parents love me, but theyll literally hate me tomarrow if i get enough guts to tell my mom. she has late night and i have dance until 8:30 so i think ill call her at school tomarrow. but is that selfish of me to put her under that stress when she is working?? i dont think so. its not as if i want to go to college anyway. i want to go to fidm. but my life is a wreck. i would rather not be in this life. gah. im starting to cry again. i need sleep.
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[Feb. 6th, 2005|08:52 pm] |
hmm. so i was reading this one random girls live journal because i found her link on myspace. and i decided i should make a live journal. ive had a diaryland, but no one has ever heard of diary land, and everyone has a lj so thats basically why i created an account. yeahh.
last night was winter formal. hannah and her mommy picked me up at about 9:30 and we went to get our hair and makeup and nails done. we both looked so pretty afterward! then we went to the mall real quick to get jewlry (and i bought paris hilton perfume! it smells sooo good). then they dropped me back off at home and i started getting dressed and such. then hannah and i went to britani's house for a magneficant italian dinner. oh my it was soo good. and then we hung out for a while and took pictures, and then we left around 8:20 because tif said she would be there at 8:30. So we get there around 8:30 ish and tif isnt there. so we call her just to let her know we were there waiting for her, but she doesnt pick up. so we just waiit in the lobby. 8:45 comes. tif isnt there and she hasnt called back. so we call. no answer. we call again. she rejects the call. so by now we are getting pretty anxious. at 9 hannah and i and britani go to the desk to check in and see if brit can get in. but they dont let her and make hannah and i go in. we were literally flippin out. well tif walks in the door 15 minuites later and brit calls bawling and it just turned into dumb drama and its too much to write. the dance ended up being okay. hannah and i felt like such losers standing around. and then we finally said fuck it and went out to dance. and i didnt get to dance with the guy i like, he didnt even look at me. he was too busy dancing with all the hott girls. i hate not getting the guys i want. i think its pointless to even like neone. bleh. oh well. today i went shopping. and bought one of those velvour sweat suits. soo comffy. i didnt want to take it off!!
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